Passive Aggressive Behavior: Signs, Causes And How To Manage

Signs Of Passive Aggressive Behaviour

Detecting Indirect aggression is possible and is the first step to managing it, be it yourself or your friends and family. We have listed 10 of the common signs of passive and aggressive behavior. Let's take a look.

1. Sarcasm

Sarcasm can be a great way to criticize or look down on someone without having to confront them and create trouble. A lot of people try to maintain formality when they are angry or frustrated and use sarcasm to express their anger and irritation. For example, a boss might say," You're fast today" to an employee who came late to the office. Or some cashier saying, "That's a huge amount" sarcastically to a low tip.

2. Silent Treatment

This is another common way people express their anger passively to the other person. When someone who is in a relationship completely avoids talking to their partner, stops replying to messages, or altogether ghost them, it is considered silent treatment. They will completely avoid talking and when you confront them, they will try to make a straight face. This behavior often pisses off someone who is taking it.

3. Procrastination

Procrastination is often used to express resentment and make the other person frustrated. For instance, if an employee is assigned to do some project work and passes it off for the future and completes it at the last moment with poor quality. If the boss asks about the quality of the assignment, the employee might simply complain about the workload he's having to stir up the boss' frustration.

4. Avoidance

Avoiding discussions and confrontations with disliked individuals is often considered a sign of passive-aggressive behavior. If a coworker who is close to you avoids addressing you or making conversation, it might be one of the red flags of passive aggressiveness. Bypassing is a great way to make someone pissed off and lower their self-esteem. Suppose someone avoids you at the party, it can bring out mixed feelings in you if the avoidant person is close to you.

5. Backhanded Compliments

Backhanded compliments mean when someone's praise might be insulting in indirect ways. To give you an idea, If someone were to throw a statement like, " You look handsome or beautiful for your race", it is considered a backhanded compliment. This type of compliment often suggests and gives us a hint that the person who is saying it is trying to pull down or insult the other person. That he or she is trying to express aggression unconventionally.

6. Deliberate Inefficiency

Deliberate inefficiency in literal terms means doing tasks poorly and inefficiently to signal resistance indirectly. Here's an instance, if someone suppose a student submits assignments incomplete and which is poorly done to showcase his aggressiveness towards the heavy load of assignments given to him, that can be called deliberate inefficiency.

7. Forgetting on Purpose

Failing to do tasks or assignments to avoid responsibility and work. Often this behavior is associated with passive-aggressive behavior. A student assigned with a long assignment might purposedly forget and use it as an excuse to express his angerness towards the teacher. This aggressive behavior is common in most of the workplace as well.

8. Blaming Others

The passive-aggressive person will have difficulty admitting his mistakes and responsibility. They will just blame others for their lack of capacity and inefficiency. If this type of person were to come office late or not complete the work, they would simply start making allegations about others and would try to defend himself. They might as well show some kind of narcissistic traits during this process.

9. Playing the Victim

These aggressive people withhold their anger inside them and sympathize with themselves. They blame others for the person they have become and the position of their failed state. A teenager who had a breakup might likely blame her parents for her position and identify herself as a victim. She might show aggression towards her parents in many ways and try to victim-play in front of others.

10. Indirect Complaint

Another sign of passive-aggressive behavior is complaining about people and situations to express anger and resentment. To not get into a confrontation about a particular incident, they might complain constantly about their situation. They may do this to avoid denying their mistakes. A student might constantly complain about his teachers and schools with his parents to express resentment towards his school and avoid acknowledging his incompetency in academics and project work.

Causes Of Passive Aggressive Behaviours

There can be a lot of factors or aspects that cause passive-aggressive behaviors. So it's inappropriate to blame the aggressor every time. Sometimes their conditions and compulsions can be the reason. In this section, we'll be discussing these causes in brief.

1. Upbringing and Family Dynamics

Children raised in strict households where showing dissatisfaction or any other kind of emotion is discouraged can create a closed-off personality. Additionally, suppose the family doesn't encourage open expressions of anger and frustration. In that case, the child might grow up to become a passive aggressor and can't confront the problem or root cause due to their childhood trauma.

2. Poor Communication Skills

Some people are uncomfortable expressing their feelings or are insecure about the judgment they will receive after expressing themselves to others. This can cause them to grow up as poor communicators who can't confront the situations directly. Due to this reason, these people might not show their anger or frustration openly and will try to express their resentment in indirect ways.

3. Low Self Esteem

People with low self-esteem or under-confidence who are afraid to express their emotions to others out of fear of being ashamed or social anxiety might behave in an indirect aggressive way to irritate others. A teenager might show passive aggression to a classmate who often bullies or beats him. This might also lead to kid bringing weapons like knives or guns from their home out of bitterness to express their grudge.

4. Resentment and Frustration

Long-standing resentment and pent-up frustration when their voice or expression is ignored and unheard can lead them to express their feelings indirectly. These can be during dealing with higher authority where your voice is disregarded. A person who has a bad history with cops might deny their orders when caught for over-speeding to express their resentment indirectly.

5. Powerlessness Or Helplessness

Similar to the previous case, when people feel powerless with major authority like a boss or high-ranking official, they might express their grudges passively. For instance, students might submit their poorly written and incomplete assignments to express their displeasure. Or they might give an obvious lie about not completing it due to trivial circumstances to elicit frustration from the teacher.

6. Social Or Cultural Norms

In cultures where indirect communication is prevalent or encouraged can stimulate passive-aggressive behavior in community people. To give an example, people frustrated by the moral restrictions and obligations in a close culture like India or China can pent up their frustration and show it in indirect ways like not following the rules and justifying it as a mistake.

7. Personality Traits

Character traits like introversion can also foster passive-aggressive behaviors in certain individuals. Introverted people who are uncomfortable facing the situation and want to avoid the long prolonged conflict can give birth to subtle aggressions. An individual with an introverted personality who is bullied by an aggressor might cultivate indirect resentment.

8. Stress and Overwhelm

Highly stressful people who don't know how to properly regulate and overcome their emotions and feelings might give rise to passive aggression to avoid facing the source of the problem directly. For instance, an employee might express their frustration with the overload of work by delaying their project and justifying excuses instead of directly talking about the stress with the boss.

9. Fear of Rejection or Abandonment

People who have bad emotional health might be afraid to express their dissatisfaction due to their insecurity about relationships and fear of pushing close ones away. These people might find indirect aggression a way to pour out their frustration and punish others. They are highly susceptible to mental health problems like anxiety and can feel vulnerable without a partner.

10. Desire for Control

Individuals who feel they lack some sort of control in their group or workplace might show their hatred indirectly. Usually, the ones who seek control are insecure people who need some sort of validation to feel better and valued. They can be closed off as a person and when criticized can get offended quickly. To hide their inability to tolerate criticism and take a joke they are likely to express their hostility indirectly.

How To Manage Passive Aggressive Behavior?

As we have already discussed the signs and causes of Passive-Aggressive behaviors, without any doubt now you can identify such people. After identifying it is necessary to deal with them by managing their behavior. That's why, we have listed some of the effective ways to manage indirect aggression below. Let's take a look.

Acknowledge and Address the Behavior

Firstly, you can point out the particular instances of his/her behavior where you felt the aggression without sounding accusing. Additionally, you can also open up a conversation about it and talk about how it hurts you specifically. Effectively expressing yourself and mentioning "I" like, " I was hurt by your remark about my dress" can help express how disappointed and down you felt by their statement.

Encourage Direct Communication

Creating an environment for expressions can be an effective way to manage aggressive behaviors. Starting with yourself, open up about yourself to encourage them to verbalize their closed and repressed emotions and feelings. Moreover, you can also offer or suggest some tools and resources like books and videos related to effective expression of emotions to help their emotional health.

Understand and Address Underlying Issues

Encouraging them to open up about the driving cause of their passive-aggressive behavior can be a helpful way to address the problem. Different factors that we have discussed earlier like anxiety and stress can be the root of the problem. In that case, you can offer to hear their feelings or suggest they seek counseling or perform stress-relieving activities like yoga and meditation.

Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries

Clarifying acceptable and unacceptable behaviors and setting fixed boundaries to express frustration and boundaries can be an impactful way to manage passive-aggressive behaviors. However, if the behavior continues, keep on encouraging boundaries and suggest opening up dissatisfaction healthily and noticeably.

Encourage Problem-Solving

Rather than complaining about their rudeness and incompetence, helping them to get to the root of the problem can help both of the party. Working together to help the aggressor solve the underlying issue or cause like stress or other issues. For example, if the aggressor delays the task, instead of being hostile, you can suggest how can they manage their time and do their work effectively. To put it another way, ask them if they need your help.

Model Positive Behavior

If you're helping your friend, colleague, or co-workers, you can start by acting as an example yourself. Opening yourself to them and expressing your opinion about them in a non-accusatory way can help them open up about themselves. Similarly, encouraging their effort to communicate openly and address the issues directly can help solve the issue properly.

Passive Aggression And Mental Illness

A lot of people misinterpret Passive aggression as a mental illness. Although passive aggression is not considered a mental illness, mentally ill people can show similar behavioral signs. If you or any of your close ones identify with the above signs, consulting the problem with a licensed counselor or doctor can reduce the damage.

Mental health professionals can provide strategies and tools for better emotional expression and communication. Working with a counselor in therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), interpersonal training, and learning social skills can help overcome this behavioral problem.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Can Passive-Aggressive Behaviour damage relationships?

Yes, although it might not look like a major problem at the beginning, over time, it can create trust issues and relationship problems in personal as well as professional life.

2. Is Passive-Aggressive Behaviour a mental disorder?

Even though it's not a mental health problem in itself, it can commonly occur in someone with mental health problems like anxiety, depression, and obsessive habits.

3. Why are people Passive-Aggressive instead of being direct?

There can be a lot of reasons like fear of confrontation, fear of rejection, or people might simply feel insecure about expressing themselves due to mental health problems.